Lord, I remember.

I remember singing.

Tonight, God had a plan, and just before I was going to shut my computer off, and I thought, I'm going to go listen to that super cheesy song from the Little Mermaid 3. Don't know why, but I will. After the 3 line, something in me broke. 

"Wait, I remember that
How I know that song
I remember sitting in the moonlight and that feeling
What's that feeling?
I remember

Yes, how I know that song
Though it's been so long
I remember happiness without a floor or ceiling
What's that feeling?
I remember"

I remembered, who I was, before I was lost to my teen years, under the deception and the deceit that the Devil put me through. He robbed me of who I was.  I was beaten into a pessimistic dark child. But I reject it, and now I am going to be who God created me to be. Because I remember her. I will go play in the flowers, and smile and sing my heart out, and feel all the joy in the world.

Let's talk about waiting.

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles.” Isaiah 40:3

 

Do you play the waiting game? For anything? Anything at all?

Not to make it sound like I have a one track mind, but I always knew that I was going to wait. In the subject of a husband. What I wonder is, why do girls, sit around and wonder and make the choice to wait. Not saying that men don't think about it, but I have personally never met a man who has told me he thinks about his future wife.

Now, I always knew I was going to wait till marriage to have sex, and yes even at 19, I am still a virgin. (ohhh scary!! not) but yet I still wonder about the Man the Lord has for me. 

Lots of people tell me, you're still so young, enjoy being single, don't rush into anything. Which, yes, is great advice, but give me a minute to explain my thinking. 

Maybe I'm tired of being not "tied down". Maybe I think that marriage isn't so "jail-like". Yes I know that I lose a lot of freedoms, but I was never one to go out and do a bunch of stuff by myself. It's not that I need a man to live, but I would like someone to go out and do God's work with, that was my life partner. Someone to share my dreams with and to start a family with. Life is about making a life and a home, and it's not something I want to do alone.

So that is my rant. I'm all for waiting, and I'm all for the Lord's Timing, and I know that there is a man out there for me, and I know that he is wonderful, and in love with the Lord, and that he is amazing with kids and that he works to please the Lord. This I know. 

Maybe I have already met him?

Hope he is still waiting for me :)

No Such Thing.

"Welcome to the real world, she said to me condescendingly, take a seat, take your life plot it out in black white." - John Mayer.

Well, So far, I told said women to suck it.
My life isn't defined by this world! My life is defined by the Lord, my God.

He is the most amazing Lord in the universe. Did you know that? I hope so!

I have so much to be thankful for.

I don't think I have ever blogged about it on here, but I was struggling with my French 30 Course.
and my struggling I mean, complete and utter failing. It was awful. I knew I was doing well, and Aubrey knew I wasn't doing well.
So the other day, she came in to my room, to help me figure out what I was going to do. Time for a kick in the butt. But what happened that afternoon was not something that I expected or could have even predicted.
Within 2 hours, we figured out that I didn't need to finish French 30 to graduate and had signed me up for my Diploma exams just before the 3:30 deadline.

BOOM. All the stress in my life for the past half a year. DONE. In 2 Hours..... Yah, God is THAT awesome.

But not only has that amazingness been going on, but life right now, is pretty cool. Still working with the church on doing Kidz Zone. The kids have a new friend there. He is from Teen Challenge. He has pretty much stepped in and has become a big brother to the kids. It's cool to see them play with this "big kid" who has just as much energy as they do. They pretty much beat him up, and he is totally cool with it. It's been pretty fun to watch.

I've been still attempting this weight issue.  I've been going for walks, and have been trying to cut down on my starches, but sometimes, I cave in and mess up, but the point is, I am still trying to wake up and try.

Other than that, no much is going on right now. So stay tuned?

Suddenly I see! This is what I want to be!

I was feeling quiet sorry for myself this morning. I've lost weight yes, but then I got lazy, stopped working out, and started eating starch. Well, I haven't gained any weight back, but I'm at 220, and I don't want to be here either, and I'm tired of me being such a big chicken and falling back to old ways. Well tha'ts it! Changes are going to happen, and this time I can't talk myself out of it, because I KNOW it works. I have no excuse. The only way I can really get this, this thing I want so badly, is I have to work for it. Nothing comes to you on a silver platter. As much as that would be nice. Food comes on a platter, you abuse it, and then bang, your obese. Well that's it. I don't have a chemical unbalance or a medical reason that I can't lose weight. And to be politically "correct", I'm not calling obese ugly. I'm calling it unhealthy, and I'm going to be done with it. Seriously, no more fucking around!

NO more plus size
NO more double chins
NO more undergarments to make me look thinner
NO more wasted time
Changes Baby!
Changes.....