Re:Stacks

Can you do me a favor?
Can you read my mind.
There is so much I want to put out in words, yet, I haven't the foggiest where to begin and what to write about. Most of it, when I think about it, seems to just be me, sitting and complaining. Whining about what I what, who I am, and who I would like to be. That doesn't make for a very interesting read, now does it.

Or maybe it does, maybe you're all into that. I know that I have a hard time being deep in my blogs, yet my humor comes across alright. I think maybe it's because it's easier to be funny and lighthearted. To be sitting down and being serious, used to come really easy to me. I could turn it on at any second, actually, I think I was serious 24/7. A big grouchy sour puss really.

Now, sometimes, I find my mind trying to go back to that place, because it's almost natural for my mind to try to slip into that dark place that I abandoned so long ago. It can be a fight, to realize I am going to that place and saying No. That's not who I am anymore, nor do I want to be that person again.


See. Now I go back and read that and think, OMG SO EMO.

LOL I'm so glad I am a much happier person now. Go away emo feelings, I don't have time for your self pity.

No I'm not bi-polar. I wrote the first part and then thought about it for a bit, and then wrote this part.

Come on dudes, you know me better than that.

Thursday, July 28th 2011

Yes, that is the date.

Don't look at me like that, coming up with mildly funny titles is hard.

So, It's been a good and crazy week. I've loved having my family over, it's been pretty awesome to play with my nephews and hang out with my sister. She always has a good ear to listen and also gives good advice and a little bit of ass kicking, lol but in a good way. My nephew Liam, just turned one and he has been a hoot. He is such a happy baby and he is so sweet. His big brother Carson has had a bunch of fun with the girls. We have gone places on the island that I have never been before. It's been a blast.

They are leaving tommorrow, and I'm glad that they leave with good memories and have had a fun time. I know it will be nice for them to get back into their groove of home life. It has been very wonderful.

However, real life starts on Friday, they leave in the morning, and then I hope to get some of my french unit done, so I can work on Bio on Monday, as this week I'm hoping to get more Bio done, so I can be done done.

Now to get off the computer and spend some time with my family.

In which family comes over.

So I think it goes without saying that I am continuing with my diet. I mean, for real it's not like I'm stopping now. But my sister and her sons came for a visit, and they are here for another 4 days. It's been so awesome having them here and it's so nice to see my nephews. They really mean so much to me, and we are seeing so much so the island that I have never seen before. It's been so wonderful. I don't have any pictures yet, but I will put some up tommorrow.

So I am still not seeing weight loss in my face and it's pissing me off. I really want to lose weight there, if their is one thing I don't like, it would be how fat my face it. It's driving me nuts, We take family photos and no matter what I hate how I look. So I am trying super hard to not spaz about it but it's hard. This is obviously one of the reasons why I am trying to lose weight. I mean, I know that it is not so much about the physical thing but I mean, it certainly is a part of it. Of course.

Lately I've been a bit bugged about the fact that I like a guy. I didn't want to blog about this in case he ever reads it, but I need to get it off my chest. I like a guy. I really like him, he is neat and cool and I have not liked a guy like this in years. One problem, I don't really think he even knows who I am, or if he is allowed to communicate with me. It's hard to explain and I don't want to give details, but it's frustrating. I just don't know what to do, because he really is so cool, and I've been so, I guess, I've been really silly about it, you know? I haven't felt this way about a "boy" in a very very long time. The worst part is I feel like I will never be able to do anything about it.

I know I know, it's all very very silly.
But I am just a girl.

Two Weeks Today.

I did it, first step has been done! I did two weeks, there were a some bumps but I am only human. I'm not stopping now! I now can do one meal with carbs a week. I think I'm going to save it for when my sister comes and makes my favorite Thai Chicken, it goes best with rice so that would be yummy. Anyways, as I posted yesterday I have lost about 15-20 pounds. Depending on what I was when I started because now I am about 228 pounds! w00t w00t.

So I wrong with the first body fat percentage calculation so I'll put the right first one and then what it is now, if it has changed at all. 

So now for some measurements. In inches
 First Week Measurements, First Week body fat  27.29%. Hm dunno how I got 60%
neck 15.5
waist 49
hips 52
thigh 30
calf 19
upper arm 15

After Two weeks Measurements and Body Fat 27.09%. So I lost .20% It's a start lol!
Calves 18.75 (not a whole lot lol)
Thigh 29.5
hips 50.5
lower waist 48
upper waist 37
upper arm 15
neck 15 

So all in all, some progress!! W00t w00t.

Stay tuned for more blogging and such. I'll do a weigh in and measurements again after another two weeks!

SUCCESS

Ladies and Gentlemen and pervert's looking for creepy blogs!

I have lost about 20 pounds. Yes, in two weeks, I listened to the doctor and I have lost. I feel so amazing and I'm going to keep going! More to come, I just haven't been inspired by the writing bug just yet, but I wanted you all to know the good news! : )

Clean Room

I love a clean room! I don't really even mind the 2 hours I took to clean it. I usually have been keeping it clean, but this week it fell apart. So I took some time today and cleaned it super de duper clean. It's day 10. Still no bread rice potatoes. I still don't see a difference, but we have done that run around already. I'm pretty pooped from cleaning my room and doing laundry and going up and down the stairs. I think I'm going to go do a workout and then have a shower. Then plop down on the bed and have a good read.

Y'all Have A Great Saturday!

I didn't want to blog today.

I didn't have a particularly bad day or anything, I just didn't want to put anything.
It's been about 9 days of no carbs. Wooo...
Man I have just no energy today.

You know, I keep getting lots of views, that's kinda neat. I'm very gratful that people are reading this. It gives me some sort of encouragement.

Well, I think I'm done for today!
THERE I BLOGGED.

This is where I get impatient.

I know I know.

Weight-loss takes time... blah blah blah. I just wish I could see results right away.

I know it's only been 8 days and it's going to be at least a month before I maybe notice a difference. But this is what tests me as much as cravings. I've just gotta learn to stick the results out of my mind. I'm doing this to finally be healthy. But it would be nice to go down a pant size or too. Maybe it's not such a good thing that we don't have a scale? I don't know, but I'm working/praying that this doesn't bring me down too much. I've come this far. I have to go to the whole way.

I've been thinking about posting a before picture. I was going to be daring and do it in black bathing-suit bottoms and my black trainer bra, but I'm not a pretty sight in that, so maybe a before picture in everyday wear. Without sucking in. AHH scary. I've mastered the art of 24/7 sucking in. So maybe I'll take that picture today. OR I'll upload a great picture one of the little girls I live with took of me the other day at Transfer Beach in Ladysmith. It's a beautiful shot, and I didn't even feel the need to edit it to make me look skinner. 

Yah, I'll do that. lol Disregard above paragraph, lol.

My first craving :(

I want a raisin bagel. They are down the stairs, in the cupboard, calling my name.
I want one so bad. Last night we went out for dinner to Boston Pizza, and boy I wanted carbs like you wouldn't believe.

But, I'm not going to eat them, because it has been 10 years of being overweight, to obese and to be frank, I'm not doing it anymore, because I can't. I just can't be unhealthy anymore. It's just food, that's all it is and there is more to life then just wanting to eat good food.

Breakfast's are still hard though, I think I may be eating too many eggs. I've got to find some alternative to just eggs and yogurt or I am going to go crazy.  I've got to watch my cheese intake too. 

And while I figure this all out I am kicking myself for no doing this stuff when I was younger and could have saved myself a lot of time and effort. But what's done is done, so now I've got to pay the price for the 10 years of pure crap food I have eaten in my life.

However, I am only human, and I want a bagel. 

A week goes by.

A whole week, A whole week!

I cannot believe I did it, and I think the best part is, is that it was not as hard as I thought it would be. I've got one more week left till I can start eating one starch a week. I've still got to keep up with my exercise routine as well.

This month is proving to be a month of changes and surprises! I finally finished Social Studies 30 yesterday. Well I finished the course work. I still have to write the final and the diploma exam. Getting ready for the diploma exam has been the biggest nightmare in the universe. Over 15 pages of paperwork or something. It's nuts. The only thing that is getting me through it is that once it's done, its done. And the fact that it won't be on my mind while my big sister is here.

Yup, my big sister Paula is coming up with her son and step son. I'm so excited to see my nephews and my sister. I haven't seen family since Christmas, so it's a nice little surprise for all the work I've done so far. I've still got a ton to do, but the break will be nice.

So for today, no carbs, and I'm doing to do half of my workout. I've got it figured out to about a 45 minute walk every second day and every day is a 45 minutes of other exercises. So here goes!

Thanks for the support guys! Keep Praying!

THIS .... IS.....SPAR....oh no wait, it's Day 6!

Yes, you read that right. DAY 6. Oh my gosh! Day 6!

Two weeks ago, I thought I would never be able to do this, not in a million years! Now that I've been doing it, I've got to say, it's not the hardest thing I've ever done. It's been pretty easy! I'm relearning to make some foods I like so I can still eat them without bread/rice/potatoes. So far, not so bad, and K and A has been super awesome about it, helping me make choices and buying stuff that I can eat. I cannot ever say how grateful I am for them. I could try, but I could never get the words out. Well, Today I am attempting to finish Social Studies 30. I only have about 3 assignments I think and then, I am done all the course work. Holy Jesus! < Rocks!

Keep praying for me Dear Readers, I'm praying for all of you!

EDIT @ 8:19pm
Just did my hour workout, and it wasn't a nightmare. Sweating is tho.... yuck.

Hey YOU!

Yah, you!


If you be reading my blog, please leave me a comment. Please be nice though. If you can't be nice then please leave a comment in all numbers. Then I know you were still reading my blog.

Thanks so much!

These side effects are all in my head.

Literally.
I don't really remember if the doctor told me not eating carbs was going to have certain side effects. I'm only taking her advice, now a year later.
But my head hurts, like super ouch, and I wake up super sore in the morning.

But I mean, these are minor ouches when I keep my eye on the goal, right?
Hopefully I can get the same amount of exercise today that I did tommorrow. I'm going to try. If not my walk, then some in my room exercises for sure.

Day 5 of no carbs!

THIS IS IT.

PEOPLE! I can feel it!! This time is different, no one told me to do this, this was my decision! But with a ton of support from God and others! I have gone 4 days with no carbs! I just did a hour and 20 minute work out!! I can hardly beleive it, and the best part is.. I feel great!!

I'm so rooting for me this time. No more overweight me!!!

Day 3, with some info.

So like the title says, its Day 3, and still no starchs. I'm learning I also gotta keep a closer eye on sugars to, as they can sneak in.

I took some measurements today because I am not to sure what I really weight. I know its around 240-250. We also do not own a scale (Thank God!) So I think going my measurements might be ok. So i took some basic ones and used an internet calculator to get my Body Fat percentage. It's 60%. Yikes. Better late then never to get started on this. Something tells me, that this is it, no more, oh well. I tried, I think I am going to stick with this one. Everyone I live with has been so great about it, They are supportive without any butting in or trying to force me with anything. They've been pretty darn perfect. So has God. I just keep praying for his strength to do this.

So here are the measurements and them I am going to get back to Bio 30 (puke puke puke *not literally*)

These are all in inches, I think I will do another measurement thing at the end of the 2 weeks, so that would be the 19th on July.

neck 15.5
waist 49
hips 52
thigh 30
calf 19
upper arm 14


So here's to another 11 days!

Have you ever wondered?

What makes you you?
And is it even ok to be that person?
What do you like? What do you dislike?
Do you let other drag you down because they cannot stand the stuff you like?
Do you drag others down for what they like?
Do you try hard to do good, or to be good?

Maybe it's just me at my age, that I'm trying to "figure out" who I am, but does anyone really know who they are? Does it really matter if I walk up to a 4 year old or a 92 year old and ask them if they understand just who they are? I'm fairly certain that we wake up in the morning and we learn something new every single day. We are effected by every second we breath, and the moments we don't breath.

Well what about you Caitlind, you say?
What on earth are you ranting to me for?

Well, to be honest I don't know. I really come on here everyone once in a while and try to get out in words, just who I am and I fail every single time. I think, quite simply, that there are no words to describe me, or is there anyway to comprehend me just as much as I don't think I can comprehend you. But then, what is so hard to put into words. I could tell you every show I love, and every song I hold close to my heart and every book that has brought me to a whole new world, but even if we like the same stuff, our experiences will be unique. I think we are just a bunch of people who are trying to find things in common when maybe we never will have ANYTHING in common, but the beauty of it is. We can love everyone! Because if no one is alike, ever, then you have to love everyone, or your going to end up a bitter misunderstood rebel (You hear that 16 year old me? Get it together!!)

It used to drive me nuts that I couldn't share my deepest feelings with anyone, and desperately wanting someone to understand me, but I understand the only one who can is God. Everyone else on this earth will never understand. But this is ok. To be honest, I'm not that special anyways. I don't sit here thinking I am some sort of enigma that is soo deep that no one could possible understand. I'm not trying to be arrogant here. I know that on certain levels, we can totally get each other, but not in the soul searching soul mate kind of way.

Without that pressure, honestly, the whole "Find a husband" thing becomes a lot lighter. God has a man for me, this I know, he will show up when God says so.

MY GOSH I JUST RAMBLE ON AND SWITCH TOPICS SUPER FAST.

I don't honestly believe anyone can follow my mind flow.
*FacePalm*


TL:DR
I used to want to be understood, but I get that I can't by anyone by God. BTW No pressure on the husband thing.

2 Days!

It's been two days of no carbs!

Holy F*.......larg.

I CAN do this!

W00T!