ok ok.... I'm not good at this blog thing.
No dedication...frick.
Well, things have improved since my last post, but not without plenty of garbage. The night my cat died, a close friend of mine's father was killed in a bar fight. It was really hard because me and this friend have a.... let's call it a history. I was very sad for him, but he worked through it.
After that sad week I thought maybe I was gunna catch a break, but God doesn't hand out breaks like free candy so I was wrong. He made me go and do my learners test. For the third freaking time. Now I have little to no confidence, and I was sure that I was going to fail. I mean come on!
But I passed! I was very happy, and it did help me a little bit. I'm not a total failure. And then I almost killed Koos, he the dad of the crazy family I live with. But we survived cause he grabbed the wheel in time.
Then, this house I live in that we have been trying to sell got sold, So I'm moving.
and now I'm too bored to finish this blog,
but seriously who cares?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
May 10 2003 - August 13, 2010
Good Bye Suki
My cat, my little knight, the one who heard every hurt, and saw every tear and heard every secret. My hero.
She is gone today, 7:00pm, my cat closed her eyes and that was it. I'm so sad. I can't really put into words how sad I am. I am not broken or devastated but I am so sad. I wish that I could have one more hug. I remember the days I would hold her and wonder when I would have to let go. She is gone. I wish she could understand how I loved her, or how she saved me so many times. She was my angel the very first time I held her in my arms. She was so much more than a cat, she was a soul mate and a constant companion. She understood and was there. If I was sad or simply sick, she would not leave my side. This time, I could not be by her side. Nor will she ever be there for me again.
I know, somewhere deep down, that as a cat, she was never meant to be this close to me, but she was. I feel the need to honor her. She wasn't a cat. She was Suki, she was my baby, and she will always be.
Goodnight baby girl. I'm sorry. I miss you. Fly away home.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Life Change much?
Well, crap.
Currently, my life is spinning around like a big crazy mess!
Tomorrow I go and take a learner's test. I know it's a little late at 18, but that's the way it goes, then on Friday I have to put my cat of 7 years, Suki down.
Which, by the way, sucks.
She has been there for me, for the hardest of times, whenever my heart was broken, when my older sister left for college, when my parents broke up, and whenever I was sick. Now, she is sick and there is nothing I can do, but wish her a goodbye. Which is sad.
But that's not all folks!!
My whole life, I have been overweight. ALWAYS. So finally now, at 18, at 240 pounds and have tried everything, a doctor has given me a new change. Since I could be pre-diabetic, I am now not allowed to eat carbs. For the rest of my life. New life change people! No bread, potatoes, pasta. I also learned that my pancreas is now so messed up that no matter what kind of sugar I put into my body, weather it is white sugar or from a fruit, my body can't tell the difference. So I can only eat berries.
And more exercise,which I knew I should be doing, but it's hard to get exercise when you live in a town of 8 months of winter. Meh, I guess I gotta find ways of getting it. I'm kinda sick of this gaining 10 pounds a week when I don't eat different than everyone else, small portions and no snacking and no fried foods, should NOT cause weight gain. So this (cross your fingers) I hope works!!
Currently, my life is spinning around like a big crazy mess!
Tomorrow I go and take a learner's test. I know it's a little late at 18, but that's the way it goes, then on Friday I have to put my cat of 7 years, Suki down.
Which, by the way, sucks.
She has been there for me, for the hardest of times, whenever my heart was broken, when my older sister left for college, when my parents broke up, and whenever I was sick. Now, she is sick and there is nothing I can do, but wish her a goodbye. Which is sad.
But that's not all folks!!
My whole life, I have been overweight. ALWAYS. So finally now, at 18, at 240 pounds and have tried everything, a doctor has given me a new change. Since I could be pre-diabetic, I am now not allowed to eat carbs. For the rest of my life. New life change people! No bread, potatoes, pasta. I also learned that my pancreas is now so messed up that no matter what kind of sugar I put into my body, weather it is white sugar or from a fruit, my body can't tell the difference. So I can only eat berries.
And more exercise,which I knew I should be doing, but it's hard to get exercise when you live in a town of 8 months of winter. Meh, I guess I gotta find ways of getting it. I'm kinda sick of this gaining 10 pounds a week when I don't eat different than everyone else, small portions and no snacking and no fried foods, should NOT cause weight gain. So this (cross your fingers) I hope works!!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Obsession.
Now, I am unsure of when this all started, but I have had unhealthy feeling for things I become a fan of. It may of started with Archie Comics, I collected them with a when I was about 10 and one day my mother believed it was an obsession, and threw them all out. I cried.
Fast forward a few years later and I am watching TV. I come across a episode of Beast Wars. Now I am FREAKING out because this was a favorite show as a child, but we had got rid of cable so it had been years. To my horror, this was an episode where a main character dies. I proceed to cry for a whole night, as if he was a personal friend.
I wish I could say, now at 18 I have grown out of this, but no I have not. When I read a story or enjoy a good anime, I somehow bond with it. I have this feeling of stupidity. Come on Caitlind, it isn't real. However there isn't anything I can do. I still hold some characters close to my heart as if they are real. This is just a small part of just how.....weird I am.
I'm trying to embrace it though. I am me, and well, I think I got a good handle on who I am, and I kinda like my strangeness. It gets lonely some times, we would all like to have someone who understands us fully. Then again that what God is for I guess.
Once again I feel like I need to end this post with something fantastic, however I am not fantastic in any way, so as a favor to this un-fantastical person, I leave you with a song that I hope you look up and enjoy.
Dearly Beloved - Yoko Shimomura
Fast forward a few years later and I am watching TV. I come across a episode of Beast Wars. Now I am FREAKING out because this was a favorite show as a child, but we had got rid of cable so it had been years. To my horror, this was an episode where a main character dies. I proceed to cry for a whole night, as if he was a personal friend.
I wish I could say, now at 18 I have grown out of this, but no I have not. When I read a story or enjoy a good anime, I somehow bond with it. I have this feeling of stupidity. Come on Caitlind, it isn't real. However there isn't anything I can do. I still hold some characters close to my heart as if they are real. This is just a small part of just how.....weird I am.
I'm trying to embrace it though. I am me, and well, I think I got a good handle on who I am, and I kinda like my strangeness. It gets lonely some times, we would all like to have someone who understands us fully. Then again that what God is for I guess.
Once again I feel like I need to end this post with something fantastic, however I am not fantastic in any way, so as a favor to this un-fantastical person, I leave you with a song that I hope you look up and enjoy.
Dearly Beloved - Yoko Shimomura
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