Snow?!?!

It's snowing.
There is something about snow that makes Miserable Caitlind come out. I see the snow falling and something in me goes "ARG > : ( " Snow just gets to me. It reminds me of the crappy memories of my teen years. Snow used to "cheer me up". But now that I think about it. I think it only "cheered" me up because I was so swept up in my teen angst and depression that the sadder and bleaker things seems the more I would twist up inside. Sad and twisted.

Well I'm a more peaceful person now, by the Grace of God.
However, the snow is still falling, making me angry face.
Until then, have a good day.

A pretty good family.

You know, they say that all families have a few nuts. And well, let me tell you, I have lots of nuts in mine. They cause lots of hurts and pains, and heartache. But tonight I was thinking and I may have some members that hurt me all the time, but I also have some really cool family members. To be scientific. They are not all blood related. But that doesn't make them any less family. I have so many people in my life that love me and care about me and what to see me do good things in my life. I know that these are people that I can go to, and that they can come to me. (Even when they are over 24 hours away!!) This really isn't a blog posted, but just a reminder to myself, that no matter how NUTTY some of my family is, there are some really golden people in the mix.


Also, it seems that no matter where I go. I'm the IT person. I don't mind this at all. I love computers and they love me. I just get frustrated that computers don't love everybody and then I have to be bridge between computers and humans. Can't we all just get along?

Soyez Creatif! (ou non)

Bah, I'm sorry, but I cannot get a hang of this whole learning a different language thing. Sure, I think it's cool and would love to be bilingual, but my brain just cannot make it all come together. My comprehension of French is not so bad, but I just cannot seem to write stuff down, or form my own sentences or anything. It's the grammar. I hate grammar. I love reading, and cannot stand writing. How messed up is that? I love to read and hear about science and social and I like to verbally discuss things, but once I have to start writing things down, I'm stumped. Stumped stumped stumped! I also cannot spell!

It's no wonder I am taking so long just to graduate. This life challenge that everyone has to go through. It would be easier to just drop out and living a meaningless life doing basic jobs and just paying rent. However I don't want to live a life like that! So here I go, fighting and struggling and trying hard to do this. It's taking everything I've got, and a lot of help from God to do this. My support group isn't large, just God and Aubrey and Koos, but they are all I need to keep going. To simply have two people who deep down believe in God's plans for me is enough to keep me fighting.

I know to the outside world, I look like a lazy irresponsible kid. Don't let me fool you. I am, but the difference is, is that K&A know that I have potential to do something with my life and change for God. So I guess with them and God, and with(heaven forbid) some confidence on my part. Maybe I can just get this stupid stuff done and move on with my life.
Who knows!

Twitter Fail Whale

Pretty cute huh?
Twitter puts up this when it crashes and fails to work.
Life kinda feels like this sometimes. Maybe I don't get something done that I was planning on, or random circumstances get in the way, but either way it feels like a whale has plopped on to me and says "Suck it" and he is usually not very cute.

So, the trick is, do I go all Captain Ahab and grab my spear and gut the mighty beast?
Or do I take a step back and go "Well that sucks, but at least it was a whale, not a dinosaur?"
*Unless, you would prefer a dinosaur to land on you then, Hey by all means*

I'm not sure I'm getting my point across but let's just say, that all I am saying is, take every roadblock in stride and learn from it. In this crazy world, we can learn from any whale that falls into our lap.

And If I am really not making any sense now, then let me end with this,
I'd rather be a Cardassian than a Borg Drone.
Happy Thursday!

Friends (Part 2)

Friends,
Correction, I don't know how to have them.
I've learned that I am not a very good friend, or at least that is the conclusion I have come to. The close friends I have never last long, and they find new friends and once again I am without. Now, this is not a oh woe is me. Because the lack of friends is no one fault but my own. I'm learning that to other people, I'm not compassionate, and I'm not understanding, and I'm way to in people's face. So my options are, I can have lots of friends but change who I am, or be who I am, and not have a soul in the world.

What kind of principles do I have that other people don't like? Is it a matter of pride, that I chose to not change, or do I even need to.
I honestly, don't want to be a huge bitch. I don't like that is how people perceive me, however, I don't want to change my values for the world. So here I am, at the crossroads. I can re-evaluate who I am, and become more "personable" or be who I am. To be honest. I have no idea what I am going to do.

While, part of me is devastated that I am no longer best friends with a close friend, because things have changed, and well she is doing so wonderful, it makes me wonder if I corrupted her, and caused her hurts that I didn't need to, but it is my greatest happiness that she has found true friends.

I really don't know how I feel about all this, but the worst part is the fact that I haven't felt this way in a long time, and the last time it happened I swore I would never let it happen again, but here I am, once again pushed a friend away, and I don't know whats wrong...

Maybe the answer's will come one day.