58 Facebook Friends.

I've been thinking about "friends" lately.
I've never have many friends. It's the tired old cliche of being fat and nerdy and not having friends. But that is what it was. I had class "friends" but never many "hang out" friends. I had a few, and those 3 are still in my life today. My question is, what is this desire for friendship? Why cannot I be happy for the 3 friends I do have. Why does it hurt so much when a friend drops you, and tells you, you just were not worth keeping. Why do we value what these people think of us? Why is it that when I hear that I may be a bitch and I'm annoying that it effects me so. One, I don't want to believe it. I don't want to think that I am. Two, I have to accept that, maybe I am. Maybe I am a rude horrible person. To be honest, that breaks my heart. I never wanted to be the person who was "IN UR FACE, DEALZ WIT IT". I want to believe that I am not that person. This is beginning to sound like a rant! But then again, maybe that is the only reason why I blog. It's a nice place to rant! Then again, not a lot of people I'm sure read it, and hand writing a journal is so tedious! So there my dear blog! My blah for the day!